No one appreciates the person who doesn’t keep the commitments that they make. I just hung up the phone from a conference call where the leader fell through on his commitment and needs to postpone until later in the day. It is frustrating and disappointing. Opportunity and productivity go out the door. We no longer trust that person and second guess whether they will come through next time.
We tend to hold others accountable and put punishments in place for those that don’t keep their commitments. But, how do we react when we don’t keep commitments to ourselves? We let the diet slip that we were so committed to a week ago. We watch too much TV when we say we wouldn’t. We put off writing that book. And what about those New Years Resolutions that we have forgotten about?
We need to keep the commitments that we make to ourselves. We need to have the same contempt and accountability for ourselves that we hold others to when we don’t hold up our end of our bargain. We need to be able to trust ourselves – that when we say to ourselves that we are going to do something, we do it! Hold an accountability session with yourself at least once a week and measure how well you are keeping your promises to yourself. You deserve it.
Appreciation
I have the great opportunity to teach a Leadership course at a local Business College. I really enjoy getting to know the students and listening to the insights that they have as we learn. All of my students have been amazing.
A few semesters ago I was leading a discussion about “what makes a great leader.” One of my students from India raised her hand and shared a story of a leader who she admired. She worked in a call center and was at her desk typing some notes in her computer from her last call. She heard someone sit down in the chair next to her and he asked her what she was doing. Without looking, thinking that it was a supervisor, she explained her last call and that she was documenting the conversation. She turned and was surprised to find not a supervisor, but that Michael Dell sitting next to her. Michael Dell is the founder and CEO of the company she worked for – Dell Technologies, one of the world's largest technology infrastructure companies. As she told the story in class, her voice cracked a bit as she shared how he expressed appreciation to her for her work and how important it was to the success of the company.
Here is one of the richest men in the world, taking time to share with a call center worker in India his appreciation and how he valued the work she was doing. I don’t know a lot about Michael Dell, but that story brings a tear to my eye every time I share it (and I share it a lot). As leaders, parents, human beings – showing sincere appreciation and taking the time to say thank you is so important. It makes a difference in people’s lives. It has impact. It builds commitment and loyalty. Who can you show appreciation to today?
Communication and Negotiation
Here is a very simple concept that can have a big impact on your peace of mind and ability to disconnect in the evenings and weekend (it has had a big impact on me.)
I have had the great opportunity to work with and for amazing leaders, co-workers and direct reports. Driven individuals who work very hard and who sometimes see the need or just want to work evenings and weekends. I feel like I am driven and work very hard but I also do my best to, once I leave the office, leave work behind. I especially focus on not checking my work email. In my role, that is not always the best thing when projects and people depend on me. That is where the “communication” part of the strategy comes in. I have made it very clear to my boss, my direct reports and my co-workers that I do not check email in the evening and over the weekend. (I make it clear to my direct reports that I don’t expect them to check their email either.) But, I also let them know that if something urgent comes up that they should text or call me and I will do my best to respond in a timely manner.
As I said, this is simple and not rocket science. But, it does a few very important things. It allows me and those that I work with to disconnect and focus on their other roles and responsibilities outside of work. It also allows those who do want to work in the evenings and weekends to fill up my inbox as they see fit, knowing that I will respond the next business day. Last but not least, it is very clear that if something is urgent, they don’t send me an email that gets buried with all the other “stuff” that comes my way. They text me or they call me so that I can respond and address the issue.
You will be surprised to see the respect and boundaries that this little strategy creates and how few times something is truly urgent that requires a text or phone call. The final step to this strategy is that I turn off my email notifications so my evenings and weekend are not constantly interrupted by the incoming, never ending, deluge of email (I get a lot of email and I bet you do too). There is a large amount of peace that occurs knowing that it is OK to disconnect and that if something is time sensitive, I will be notified. Set boundaries, communicate those boundaries and turn off your notifications.
Time for an Intermission
In our book, Juggling Elephants, Jones Loflin and I talk about the importance of taking an intermission. Intermission is a chance for time away from the day to day. It is an opportunity to prepare for the next act. It is a time to reconnect with those you have been too busy to share your time with. What kind of intermission do you need right now?
15 minutes to clear your head, walk around the block, get some fresh air, and keep the blood pumping.
30 minutes to close your eyes and nap in the middle of a very full day of meetings.
An evening to go to dinner, or a movie, or a walk. Just the two of you.
A day off to work in your yard and clear out some flowerbeds - physical work rather than your usual mental work.
A long weekend away. Solitude. A chance to read, think, plan, re-evaluate, set goals, sleep, relax, clear your head, walk, pray, listen, stretch, eat, be.
A week of vacation with friends and family. A chance to make new connections, see new places and to remember why you work so hard.
Intermissions come in all shapes and sizes and should have different goals and intended outcomes. Plan them out. Block them out in your calendar. Look forward to them. Be spontaneous and take an “unplanned intermission” when you feel you really need one or when you feel like you don’t need one. You will come out relaxed, replenished and renewed.
Don't Worry
I woke up this morning to the Bob Marley song, “Don’t Worry About a Thing”. Pretty simple lyrics repeated over and over. The essence of the song, “Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
What are you worried about? Is your worry pushing you to do something or are you paralyzed as a result and afraid to move forward? Are you using the initial concern to move you forward, to do something about the worry, to step out of yourself and do something positive? Again, I like Bob’s attitude. Every little thing gonna be all right. It usually is. Things work out.
One of our favorite quotes in our home is, “Crisis + Time = Humor”. Worry can be a waste. Or, it can be a motivator to laugh and then achieve something new and powerful. Maybe the first thing you should do is stop worrying?